Saturday, March 20, 2010

The Big Head Blog

If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I’ve bemoaned the fact (probably ad nauseam) that the guestbook link at the very bottom of this page is all but indiscernible.  The font is teeny tiny.  I’ve looked up HTML coding (she says with a big grin), & have copied & pasted font size stuff.  For one reason or another, I get error codes.  Of course, I wrote the guestbook place, & they advised that I contact blogger. 

Surprisingly, I’d thought of that.  However, all I could seem to get were “helpful” links to articles that used big, brainiac words that left me jumping from website to website to figure out what the brainiac words meant.  It left me with a big ol’ head ache & an even bigger case of grumpy.  Not to mention that I forgot what the heck I was looking up in the first place!

The only thing that I can figure is that the template I’m using isn’t Blogger’s.  I got it from another site.  Now, let me just brag a little bit here, folks.  I can’t BELIEVE I even managed to find a cool template.  The fact that I was able to USE the template is a feat that should probably be recorded in some type of history book & reported on the news.  You know, something like, “Twit wit writer managed to find template - & GOT IT TO WORK!  Film, & confused author, at 11:00 pm”   They could cut to me, wandering around & babbling like some crazed character straight from a Carol Burnett episode.    Really – it’s that big of a deal for someone like me.

I’ve finally resigned myself to the fact that the guestbook will maintain its modest little place with its modest little font on the bottom of my page.  Oh, well, humility is a good thing. 
 
Here’s the absolute biggest reason I’m writing about these misadventures.  My picture.  Doesn’t it look like I have this big ol’ ego & I just HAD to plaster a picture of my big fat head at the top of the blog?  That’s not what my goal was.   As usual, it was a case of all around technological ineptness, which has been the bane of my existence all the way back to the invention of the microwave.   After witnessing the symphony of fireworks & sound that occur after one has micro waved their first fork, the micro wave is best avoided (unless supervised by a teen – sigh).

Then, Al Gore had to come along & invent the internet (thanks, Al Gore).  On a side note, I wish he wouldn’t have invented global warming.  I just don’t seem to have a lot of luck with his inventions – you know, especially after the winter we just had.  I kept hollering at the snow during the, what, 4th, 5th, 6th, or 7th, blizzard we had (as we drove to the hospital during the worst of one), “Al Gore said that you’re supposed to be rain, you know!”  Let’s just hope that Al Gore doesn’t accidentally discover global “freezing”.  If he does, I’m investing in sun screen companies.  Just saying.
  
Next, Bill Gates had to come along & invent computers, which at one time took up entire office floors – where they belong!  But, noooo, that wasn’t good enough for old Bill.  He just HAD to go & make computers smaller, then made them achievable & convenient enough for just about every American to “need” one.  To make our lives simpler (snicker), Big Bill HAD to take it further; now we have laptops & pagers & cell phones that are pretty much mini-computers - & mini laptops called notebooks.   Neanderthals like me are being forced to understand all these gadgets & gizmos.  We're still happily purchasing paper notebooks & pens; like EVERYONE SHOULD! 

On the bright side, I’ve managed to maintain this blog.  And, for some unknown reason, I’m able to insert normal sized photos throughout it (go figure), so there’s that. 

Boy, look at how far I’ve digressed!!  I’m telling you, trying to compress too much information into this little brain of mine backfires –a lot.  Back to the original “big head” entry.

Being a writer, I’m supposed to have a head shot next to my byline.  So, what I was going for was something like this:

The Brunette Lucy vs. Breast Cancer - 









& Cancer Can Suck It!                    


Well, boogers, I can’t even get it right on Word!  I feel like I’m trying to herd cats with a Labrador.  I was trying to have the words & the description of the blog on the right of my small photo.  We can all see how successful I’ve been doing it in word, which should illustrate quite adequately the reason I stay away from technology.

Here’s a link to my Examiner page, so you get the idea of what I was going for – for real:


Note:  I’ve taken a leave of absence from the Examiner.  I’m hoping to be back at it in the next few weeks.  I’ll let you know when I begin again, as my first article will likely be interviews with the Phillies’ minor league team players, The Iron Pigs.

I’ve tried everything I can think of to fix the dumb thing.  I uploaded the photo to “Tinypic”, just like the one above.  I switched the pictures, & instead of my big fat head, I got a Tiny Pic head, with ginormous writing all over my face.  I looked like a leprechaun that just got clobbered by a rainbow of words.

So, I deleted the picture altogether, & I must have done something else wrong, because the words got all garbled & went all over the place.  I have to admit, with a name like Brunette Lucy, it was kind of apropos.  But, it looked even stupider, so I finally gave up & left my big fat head up there. 

The bottom line here (finally) folks is this; I’m really not a big ego freak.  In fact, I’ve made a career out of avoiding having my picture taken.  If you go through Christmas morning photos at our house, you may catch my slippers.  If you’re really lucky, you’ll see the back of my head.  Whenever a camera comes out, I dive like an Olympic champion to the back of a sofa.  This is a sport that my daughter, Aubrie, has embraced & elevated to an art form.  If not for needing head shots for my byline, or if I didn’t want to share my journey with breast cancer with as much honesty as humanly possible, you’d never know what I look like.  And that’s as it should be.

Until I figure out how to fix this blog template, please forgive my big head & the feeling that my eyes are following you.  Scroll down a little ways & you won’t have to feel like I’m watching you.  Cause I’m not – but only because I haven’t figured out how.  Giggle.

2 comments:

Diane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tamara Kells said...

Dear Diane,

I have no idea why this post got removed. I want to ASSURE you that I didn't do it - at least, not on purpose!

Thank you so much for posting a comment. I LOVE to hear from folks who read & understand what I'm talking about - especially when it comes to technology!!!

Thank you,
Tamara

 
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