Sunday, July 18, 2010

The Truth, The Whole Truth & Nothing But

I started this blog to tell you the truth about what happens when you have breast cancer.  I assure you, I've been telling it.  However, I also wanted to make those of you who don't have it, as well as ladies who do, smile – if at all possible.  I've been keeping as positive an attitude as humanly possible.  Still, in my zeal to be upbeat, I haven't been posting as much as I should.  My husband, Matt, & my sister, Jill, pointed that out to me.

Part of not posting has had to do with the funk I've been in.  I've had some difficulty dealing with pain & the changes in my body.  It's all lobbed at you like a bomb & feels as if your life has exploded; because it has.  I've slept a great deal, & for the first week since this all began, I haven't left the house all week.  I haven't had any doctor visits, but that all changes next week (details later).  Still, I usually love to get out.  When Elyse asked if I'd like to go shopping with her, she was surprised when I didn't.  I was surprised I didn't have the energy or the desire to go spend money, which (as Matt can testify to) I do with great aplomb.

So I'm going to post more often, & concentrate on telling you the truth; even when I can't be clever doing it.  Don't think, though, that I'm not going to try to be upbeat – I don't know any other way to deal with this.  Still, even the Brunette Lucy can be depressed.  It's OK.  We just have to pick ourselves up & go on.  I'll be more forthcoming with what's going on from now on, starting now.

I was ready to lose my hair, & I thought I was ready to lose my eyebrows & lashes.  When all three happened, though, it's a bit of a different story.  Even though I have wigs, fake eyelashes & false eyebrows, going to the trouble of putting them on when you're home is a bit daunting, as it's time consuming.  Still, you want to look as normal as possible for your family. 

Problem is, we've been having major heat waves this year & wigs are warm!  So, I decided to wear scarves, which, too, can be warm.  I decided to get over not having my head covered – kind of. 

Eyelashes & eyebrows are a different story.  However, makeup is terrific.  Thankfully, with over 40 years of experience with it, I can use it to minimize the lack of them.  But waking up in the morning with no hair on your head or face is challenging to one's self esteem.  My eyelashes have just started coming in, but not many.  I guess I'll be a slave to fake ones for a while yet.  The thing is, you'd think I'd be an expert at putting them on.  Yet, the other day I got glue in my eye & temporarily glued it shut.  Heavy sigh.  

Off on a bit of a sidetrack, I have surgery Tuesday to remove the chemo port (woo hoo!).  But before you go in, they always tell you not to wear any makeup.  What's up with that?  I mean, unless they're operating on your face, I don't see the point.  The anesthesia mask they put on you is disposable, so even if you get makeup on it, it gets tossed.  I've never cared that much before, but without eyelashes & eyebrows, no way.  I don't want to scare children & hospital personnel!  They're going to have to deal with it.  

OK, I'm done with my grouching.

Tomorrow, I go to the radiation oncologist for some type of scan.  Tuesday, off to surgery.  Since you (more importantly, Dr. Quiros) never know what's going to happen with me (me plus surgery equals surprise), I didn't plan anything for Wednesday.  Thursday, I'm off to the races with radiation therapy.   I have to go Monday through Friday for 6 weeks straight.  Ugh.   Of course, the closest place I can go is 25 minutes away.  So, it should take about 2 hours out of each day.

On the bright side, my hair is growing in.  I'd heard stories about it growing back a whole different colour, so I was glad to see it's still dark.  Can't have a Brunette Lucy if my hair is blonde!  It's weird, though, because there's a lot of white fuzz everywhere mixed in with the dark hair.  It's normal, though – Matt looked it up.

That's it for now, happy campers.  I'll be writing more often, I promise!  And don't forget, if you need someone to "talk" to, you have my email.  


kbabe1968 said...

You are STILL the most beautiful woman I know. Stay chocolate. :) I LOVE YOU!!!

Denise said...

I love your blog, even though I don't always comment. Praying that your body heals quickly while you're getting all this rest. Also praying for a non-eventful port removal on Tuesday!!!

Angela said...

So gld that port is finally coming out...I know how long you have bee nwaiting for that to happen!
And remember, you are so beautiful inside; all the outer stuff is just fluff. Hope your energy level returns soon; I'm still waiting for my girl to be up to our fav Mexican restaurant and margaritas!

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