Monday, July 26, 2010

Is this dumb or what?

I have my first two radiation treatments under my belt!  I have to say, it doesn't take that much time when I'm there.  It's the getting there that's a pain in the rear!  I think I told you that it's about 25 minutes each way.  Plus, my appointments are at 2:45 pm, so its rush hour when I'm done & going home.  

I asked about burning, & the nurse said that it depends on your skin.  BUT, there was a lady there Friday who was having her very last session.  She'd had a double mastectomy, & 8 more sessions than I'll have.  Either which way, she was pretty burned, but not in that weird way I showed on the blog earlier.  She said it was like a sun burn.  PLUS, they were expanding her tissue for her implants - yikes.  So, like Michele said, after all I've been through, a sun burn is the least of my problems.  I can sooo do this!  Possibly without even whining; but here's the juxtaposition. 

I know this sounds dumb, but, I've never felt like I'm a cancer patient more so than now.  I mean, really?  I've been through surgery that removed my breast, then several surgeries from the infection that resulted.  When that was done, I underwent chemo, & saw my hair, eyebrows & eyelashes fall out.  I hate to have my husband see me like this.  Yet this – THIS, is freaking me out.  What's up with that?  I may get a sun burn.  Holy cow, call the news & stop the presses; Lucy may get a sun burn.  Wow.

It's especially bizarre because my hair is growing back, albeit oddly.  The back of my head is a blaze of brunette fuzz.  The sides are coming in & the top is fuzzy as well.  My eyebrows & eyelashes are growing in at lightning fast speeds.  I haven't been more excited about the prospect of wielding a mascara wand in my life! 

I never thought I'd miss worrying about the peach fuzz that grows on the sides of my face, because man, that used to piss me off.  I went after it like a Jedi Knight hunting Darth Vader (call me Luke).  I see hair removal commercials now & I wish I had that problem.  But it's coming back!  So why this worrying over something completely painless, that will be over in just 6 short weeks?    

I was also freaked out about my port removal.  It's all so insane, it makes me wonder if I've lost all reason.  Matt made me laugh in pre-op, but it was just a moment.  I don't think I told you this part about the port removal.

Matt & I were speaking about the day I had my mastectomy while we were waiting for my port surgery.  We were joking about the anesthesiologist's assistant that kept trying to start an IV.  She stabbed me over & over again, resulting in a major bruise (I posted the photo to this blog).  

It was as if it was on cue from a macabre play that my nurse came over to start my IV for port removal surgery; right when we had finished reminiscing about it.  She tried twice, but couldn't get it going.  She'd get the needle in, push it further (I honestly thought she was wiggling it around in there), making me see stars.  Thankfully, she wasn't going to torture me any more, & called in help.  Another nurse started it without incident.  Still, I have two good sized bruises to this day from where the other one tried.

Anyway, I'll write more later & tell you about what the radiation procedure itself is like.  I just have to put my big girl panties on & suck it up.  I can see the finish line, but my feet feel like they're mired in quicksand.  Yup, it's pretty dumb.  But, I promised to tell you the truth, & this is it.

On the bright side, after radiation, we go on vacation to Maryland.  I'm planning on cultivating a taste for crab, since that's what Maryland's known for.  It takes one crab to know one!

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