Really?

Y’all know how happy I was about not seeing another doctor, nurse or hospital for over a week?  Well, that got shot all to pieces.  On Tuesday, I got a phone call from Pat Parsons at Dr. Seisholtz’ office (he’s my oncologist).  There’s a new trial drug that they’d like to add to my regular chemo cocktail, & would I be interested?  I don’t know for sure all the particulars, but she invited me to come to her office this Friday so she could explain it all.  I figured that if it’ll help, then why not?  So, I said okey doke.  THEN, she says, “but we need you to come to the hospital & have an EKG & some more blood tests”.  Really?

At this point, I’m thinking I’m already several quarts low in the blood department, & didn’t I just get an EKG a little over a month ago?  Well, apparently, an EKG has a small shelf life, & I needed to have another one.  As for the blood, nobody had tested for whatever it is they need to test this time around.  Was there anyway I could go ahead & get this done ASAP? Pat asked.

How can I accurately explain how disappointed I was?  Let me see, let me see, . . . . .  oh, wait, I know!  It’s kind of like when you expect to spend the morning at a spa with your best friends, being massaged & having manicures & pedicures.  Then, you’re supposed to go out to lunch at your favourite Mexican restaurant, drink some margaritas & go shopping until your credit cards begin to smoke from overuse.

But what actually turns out happening is you get a phone call telling you that your cousin, Booger, shot his good eye out in a hunting accident.  His huntin’ dog, Cooter, is still trolling the fields for it, but in the meantime, you need to get your butt to Kentucky to help his kids Deniece, Denephew, & Skunk get ready for the annual possum cookin’ festival that Booger’s won three years in a row.  Of course, any good redneck knows that the secret to good possum eats is catching them a month in advance (where you get them makes no never mind; they just need to be alive when you get em), cage em, & feed them nothing but corn bread & buttermilk the entire month.  That’ll fix ‘em up, fatten’ em out, & get rid of all them no-good flavors.  This makes possum as good as corn fed pig & you got yourself a possum ready for cookin.  Hey, Booger’s been “Champeeyon Possum Cooker” in Bugtussle County goin’ on three years in a row; he should know what he’s talking about.

So, yeah, that kind of describes my disappointment.

I called central scheduling, & today Aubrie & I trekked up to Grandview Outpatient to have the testing done.  Now, I have to admit this part, since it wouldn’t be fair otherwise.  We got there, had the testing done & were back in Aubrie’s Jeep in less than 25 minutes.  Not too shabby there, Grandview!

THEN, I got home, & there was a message on the answering machine.  Apparently, when you tell the folks at Grandview that you need the results of a blood test ASAP, they take that to mean NOW, BITCH!  The nurse from Dr. Seisholtz’ office was calling to let me know that I’m seriously anemic & iron deficient, & was I feeling all right?  According to them, I really shouldn’t be up & around with such a low count, since normal levels for women are between 12 – 16 grams per deciliter & I’m at 6.2.  But of course – it’s me.  The person whose body ate a tissue expander.  I’d expect nothing less.

Here’s the bottom line – I have to meet with one of the oncologists on Friday before I meet with Pat.  They need to infuse me with iron (or vitamins, minerals, Cocoa Krispies, or whatever the heck else it is I’m low on at this point), and then we have to discuss when I can begin chemo.

So, my fabulous week of no doctors, no nurses, no tests & no needles is but a fond dream.  And, if I’m being honest, I had myself a bit of a break down/pity party this afternoon.  I cried; but mostly out of frustration.  I know that this is all going to end up all right, & that in a year, this will all be a memory.  Hopefully, my family will still be speaking to me.  And in the doctors’ defense, nobody said this was going to be easy. 

On the bright side, though, at least I qualify for a new drug that may extend my life for about another 100 years.  Well, they didn’t exactly say that, but that’s what I heard.  And sometimes, it’s just better to hear what you want to.

HOPEFULLY, I’ll be able to write to you about eyebrows & my blonde wig experiment tomorrow.  So far, I don’t have anything planned.  Plus, I’ve turned my phone off.  Seriously, what could happen in one day?  Wait, don't answer that.  I'm sure I'll find out on my own.

Note:  Yes, my entire family is from Owensboro, Kentucky.  However, the Hillbilly reference is just a joke.  As far as you know.