Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Second Opinion & Tuesdays with Lissi

Tomorrow, Matt & I will be meeting with Buxmont Oncology Associates in Sellersville.  They work out of Grandview Hospital, but are affiliated with Fox Chase Cancer Centers.  We want a second opinion & may very well be having chemo there.  It’s such a bummer, though, because I’ve loved everyone at St. Luke’s Cancer Associates, including Dr. Nakajima’s nurse practitioner.

However, when your oncologist tells you that you may die many times, it gets annoying.  You kind of want someone who’s a bit more optimistic & is willing to at least pretend that you’ve got a chance.  Or, that if the situation gets dire, he’s the guy you’ll want on your side.  I have to say, I truly believe that Dr. Nakajima was just trying to be sure we knew all the risks.  But, when one hears the word “cancer”, the thought of dying goes through your mind, oh, I don’t know, about a million times a day.  Having your doctor cement those thoughts into something that seems almost like a surety isn’t what you’re hoping to hear.

I told the folks at Buxmont what was said, & the common reflexive response was, “WHAT?”  Several of the nurses told me that in the event the cancer spread, it most definitely is NOT a foregone conclusion that I’m going to die.  I felt better upon hearing that, but who wouldn’t.  Still, I’m sad that I’m not loving another St. Luke’s doctor.  But, that’s not on Dr. Quiros – he can’t be held responsible.  He’s still my hero!  I also stand by what I’ve said about St. Luke’s Regional Breast Center – they’re awesome.

OK, now, on to shopping with the Mommy Nazi.

Since the beginning of this whole adventure, my days have been chock full o’ doctor’s appointments & tests (not the sweet shopping goodness that usually fills my weeks before Christmas).  Needless to say, I’m not thrilled to report this.  For the last four weeks, I’ve not ventured out of this house for any other purpose & it’s driving me crazy – especially since its Christmas. 

Oh, I know, online shopping can be super fun & totally addictive.  I’ve written about its particular joys in previous posts.  However, there DOES come a time when shopping in your jammies gets old.  Shopaholics know that nothing comes close that new stuff smell that emanates from stores, outlets, & malls.

That all being said, I know I don’t have the physical abilities necessary to inflict my spending habits upon the world right now.  If someone bumps into my right arm & jostles my drain tube, I’ll see stars.  And, if I move my arm in a certain way, it hurts – bad.  Still, I needed to get out of the house without visiting a doctor or hospital.  I needed a few hours to forget that I have cancer & to remember what’s really important this time of year – stuff; lots & lots of stuff.  Just kidding!!  Still, the getting out part is true.

Matt, being the ever protective sort, decided that I could have an afternoon of shopping; with a caveat.  I must be chauffeured by one of the girls.  Being together for 22 years, he kind of knows me.  He knows that I have a tendency to overdo things just a little.  Maybe a smidge more than a little.  OK, he knows that I’ll push things as far as humanly possible & then pay the price later.

I was finally allowed a day out & up first was my daughter, Elyse, who I call “Lissi” (pronounced “lee see”).  He let us go out on a beautiful Tuesday afternoon, & I was ready & rearing to go.  At the time, I had no clue that by the end of the day, I would be referring to my beautiful daughter as the “Mommy Nazi”.

We got to the store that was decorated to the hilt in lights & bows & ribbons & ornaments & all things Christmas.  I felt like running through the aisles singing “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”.  I mean, honestly, they were just Christmas decorations, but they were the best (not really) ones I’d ever seen (pretty tacky).  I grabbed a cart, only to have Lissi say, “Mommy!  You can’t be pushing one of those things.  Let me do it.”  It was so cute.

We started down one of the aisles, when I stopped to examine some trinket or another.  Elyse about ran the cart up my butt since she was staying so close to me.  I smiled & thought how wonderful it was that she wanted to be near to me in case I needed her.   We moved along, & Lissi was patient as I looked at things.   At one point, I’d forgotten that she was with me, & turned a corner before she knew it.  The shrill “Mommy!”, however, reminded me.  Aww, she was making sure she kept up with me; how sweet.

About an hour later, when it hit me that there was no getting away from my lovely daughter, I began to realize what she was really there for -  to monitor me, boss me around & report to the big boss – Matt! I’d try to pick up a sweater, when she’d tell me that she can do it for me.  I tried to take something off the shelf, when she’d smack my hand & tell me that I should let her do ALL the lifting.  I began to think that if I picked up a feather she’d run me down.

OK, I thought, I’m going to have to get away from ol’ iron fist.  It was on.  I began to wait until she was looking at something, then I’d go around a corner & try to disappear into the racks & racks of shopping goodness.  But, Elyse had radar, & was on me before I even had time to congratulate myself.  Finally, when I had gotten on Lissi’s last nerve, we had “the talk”.

E:         “Mommy, I know you think that you can do things by yourself.  But, that’s what I’m here for. “
Me:     “But I can do things for myself!”
E:         “I know you think you can, Mommy, just right now, you have to let me do it for you.  One day soon, you’ll be able to do all the things you’d like to all by yourself.”
Me:     (coming up with a brilliant comeback) “But, I’m a big girl & I can do things by myself!”
E:         “Silly Mommy.  Get in the cart.”

She didn’t really instruct me to get into the cart, but boy did it feel like that was the next step.  By the way, when did this start?  Who, exactly, is the kidlet & who is the mom??

And then it hit me – my baby was a good & responsible “mommy”.  Despite how irritated I was with being watched like a toddler, I couldn’t have been more proud at my sweet girl.  She looked out for me, took care of me, & loved me.  What more could a mom ask for?  


Krista said...

:) She's a good girl. Of course, I had that same conversation with my 4 year old just the other day. Hmmmmm....What a blessing to have come full circle, right? (((HUGS))) Praying for your visit with the new docs.

Pam said...

Aww that had me laughing, with tears in my eyes! The tears were from how touching it was, for you to realize the whole dd is all grown up and responsible...and telling you to get in the cart, lol!
To raise kids to be loving, responsible adults- major win!! Take care, and keeping you in my thoughts...

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