Why did I just do that??

As I've reported, this Tuesday is my big ass TRAM flap reconstruction surgery at Fox Chase in Philadelphia. Boy, gotta be honest, I'm nervous. It's kind of weird, though, that I think I'm even MORE nervous than before the mastectomy. I guess it has to do with having two surgical sites.

For his part, Matt has been watching the actual procedure on youTube. I shouldn't be surprised because this is the man who watched my c-sections. I think he must have been a surgeon in another life.

But here's what I did tonight that was the height of stupidity. I looked on youTube for someone who'd had the surgery. I found a girl. The thing is, she wasn't very uplifting. In fact, I saw the video of her 11 months after surgery, and she sat down and made a list of horrible things to look out for. So now I'm even more nervous.

I have to remember, though, that I've healed quickly after all my surgeries. Possibly, I'm a little more tolerant to pain than she was. All I know is that I prefer to think about positive things rather than negative.

To that end, I probably won't be posting for a few days after my surgery. I'll let you know what's going on as soon as I'm able, though!

I won't be upset if you send me cards or flowers as well (giggle). OK, that was horrible; yet oddly true. I'm hopeless - sigh.

Feel free to write to me, if you'd like. I can be reached at tamkells@aol.com. Put something like "cancer' in the subject line so I know it's not spam. Please bear with me, though. I'll get back to you as soon as I'm conscious!

OK, here's the link for my latest column:

My Heels are Alive (and are trying to kill me).

Feel free to run the Sound of Music through your head as you read the title!!

Wish me luck this Tuesday!!