Mini Post

I'm working on telling you what's been going on.  Needless to say, I'm still here!  I'll write more tomorrow - hopefully.  Had my third round of chemo Tuesday, & my Neulasta shot today.  So, I'm HOPING I'll be in shape to write more tomorrow!

As a teaser, I'm calling the next post, "The Big Head Post".  Giggle.

Communication Stories

PLEASE BEAR WITH ME!  This is going to be a long entry, since there’s so much to tell you about!  I’m trying to break it up with the use of different fonts & colours.  Also, there’s a story about men at the end of my update (in the style of my regular Brunette Lucy column).  Read at your own peril.  As always, feel free to sign my guestbook at the very, very bottom of this page.  And if you know of how to enlarge the font, I’d LOVE the advice!

Before I begin, I have an incredibly touching story to tell you!  I’d been searching for mastectomy bras on eBay, since bras in stores are generally about $50.00 each.  Yikes!  If you’ve never seen mastectomy bras, let’s just say they’re not all that pretty, so $50.00 is too much to pay for such a utilitarian item.

I found an eBay store, Smiley’s Treasures, that had a style I thought looked nice, even though the site mainly sells normal lingerie.  It wasn’t in my size, so I sent a note to the owner, Dorothy Brandes, inquiring whether or not I could get one to fit me (this accidentally ties into my rant - really).  She emailed a lovely note back, explaining that she couldn’t acquire it, but would keep her eyes open for it & wished me well on my journey.  I didn’t think anything more about it.

This morning, Matt came upstairs with a package from eBay.  I couldn’t remember ordering anything, so I was befuddled.  Inside the package was a mastectomy bra.  It wasn’t the style I had inquired about, but it was my size.  Inside was a sweet note from Dorothy.  She sent it to me as a gift, after reading this blog.  I can’t tell you how touched I was that a woman who lives in Michigan & only “knows” me from reading this, would do that for me.  She read about all the trouble I’ve been having with infections, & wanted to make my life a little easier.  Dorothy, if you’re reading this, bless your heart!  You DID make my life easier, & you made me so happy, I cried.

Folks, if you need lingerie, would you take a look at Dorothy’s eBay store?  Like I said, her main business is lingerie, not mastectomy products, but she carries both.  Now, don’t go writing her & trying to get stuff for free, though, or you’ll get the Lucy stare/glare of death!  To my fan clubs in Taiwan & Australia, this is a good alternative to some of the prices you’ve encountered!

I have to apologize for the last blog post.  Boy, was I in a bad mood.  Hopefully, I can cleanse the thought of me wishing to eat babies from your thoughts!  I can’t do anything about it burning your eyes & being seared into your brains, though – sorry! 

This round of Neulasta is so not as bad as the first one.  Matt thinks it’s because I had the infection brewing in me when I had the first shot.  I also think the Claritin idea may have something to do with it.  Either which way, it still hurts – just not as much.  And I’m not taking the pain meds nearly as much as I did the last time, so that’s GREAT!  Apparently, I get all emotional when I take them, & I forget all about whatever it was I did or said.  Until it's too late.  Sigh.

Good news to report on the bracelet front, too.  Michele made some AWESOME bracelets.  Man, she’s just whipping them out like a short order cook flipping pancakes & is working on round two.  I’m taking photos of them & will post some of them soon.  I’ve been making more as well, & my sister, Teresa, contributed to the bead inventory.  Holy Cow, she bought a boat load!  And not just basic beads, but the really cool glass & super sparkly stuff (you just know I’m drooling over them).  I’m hoping to have a basket full to bring to chemo, which is Tuesday, March 16^th.  Thanks for the beads, ya’ old bat (don’t worry, this is my “pet name” for her – you should hear hers for me!)!

I want to re-iterate, though, that the bracelet idea was NOT mine!  I read it on another blog, & I can’t for the life of me remember which one.  I’d love to give that girl credit.  I just took the idea & ran with the donating thingy.  It’s pretty funny, though, how many times I get stopped (on the few occasions that I’m out these days) by people liking the stack o’ bracelets.  It’s hard not to tell them that it’s not my eclectic fashion sense;  I wear them for a reason (even though my friends all know I’m not your “typical” dresser & I’m not sure if it’s good or bad.  Probably bad, as when I quip that it takes a lot of money to look this cheap, they just smile.  Hmm.)

So, all good on the Eastern PA front.  And I haven’t had to bite Neulasta back – yet.

Now, on to my “Man Story”.

My son, Dakota, is trying to take this whole breast cancer thing with a grain of salt.  Unfortunately, it’s a women’s disease, & he’s just turning 15 this Wednesday (boy, that’s a WHOLE other story!).  Anyway, it’s not something your average male kid-type wants to discuss.  Thankfully, he has a good dad, who’s a good listener & they have a good relationship.  They can discuss the situation, & Dakota can express, as best he can, his feelings about this ordeal.  However, a discussion between the males of the species is a wonder to behold.  There is very little said, yet, they seem to get by just fine.  Me, & most women, on the other hand, spend hours on the phone with our friends.

Men, by nature, are “doers” & phone calls are brief & to the point.  You can’t bring a problem to them & just complain about it the way you would a girlfriend.  For example, this would be a typical conversation between two women:

Woman 1:      “I went to Bon Ton yesterday because they were having a sale.  They only had ONE of the dresses I wanted.  Plus, it was a size too big.”

Woman 2:      “That’s awful!  Why does that always happen?”

1:         “I know!  I went through every sale rack AND the return rack looking for my size.  Still, nothing. ”

2:         “Did you get a salesgirl?”

1:         “Good luck trying to find one.”

2:         “I think it’s a case of bait & switch.”

I could continue to write this conversation, as it could go on for hours, but you get the idea.  Usually, however, this situation is resolved in one of two ways.  The complaining & sympathizing will go on for hours until the aggrieved woman is all complained and/or cried out.  Then the conversation will change to something completely different.

The second is that between the two of them, they work up a good old case of mad.  Then, they call their other girlfriends, & they, too, work themselves into a big ol’ case of mad.  Then, they’ll all work together on a letter to the manager of the store.  This can often turn into a petition, which is signed by at least 50 of the original complainants’ friends, her friend’s friends, family members & the list goes on.  This is either hand delivered or sent by certified mail, return receipt requested, followed up by several phone calls to insure that the manager of the store is aware of the grievance, & doesn’t go away until the beleaguered manager turns over “buy one get one free coupons” to each lady on the petition, along with a well thought out, 2 page apology letter.

This is what women call turning lemons into lemonade.  Men call it the  ODGMISPMISIDAYAIBNLTCOS AND/OR ABIYPJMIS syndrome (Oh, Dear God, make it stop, please, make it stop, I’ll do anything you ask, including but not limited to, cessation of swearing and/or ark building, if you’ll please just make it stop).  Don’t worry, ladies, the men know how to pronounce the syndrome, although they usually shorten it to an expletive.  That, or some other form of universal man language.

For men, however, the conversation will only go one way.  Observe:

Man 1:        “Went to Bon ton to buy a shirt.  They didn’t have my size.”

Man 2:        “Uh-huh.”

Man 1:        “Got a bigger one, tucked it in, & nobody will know.”

Man 2:        “Good thinking.  Do you think McNabb is going to leave Philadelphia?”

The information has been shared, the solution decided upon, & now it’s on to sports.  All in little more than a few grunts.  Women’s heads would spin if this was the extent of a conversation between them.  And don’t even get me started on the solution that the men worked out.  If a woman put a dress on that was one size too large, our butts would look too big.  Can you imagine THAT little tete e tete?  But, the minimalist approach works for guys.  Weird, I know, but there it is.

In the end, though, it doesn’t really matter what form conversation takes.  As long as the lines of communication are open, who cares?  Grunt, complain, laugh, joke, pound your chest, whatever.  Emotions & the ability to share them are what make us unique & human.  Having good family & friends to unburden our loads in whatever form it takes, is such a blessing.   Trust me; if I didn’t have my family & friends to support me, along with a few “earthly angels”, during this trying time, I doubt very much that I could be so optimistic.  Leaning on them & my faith in God have gotten me so much farther than if I had to go this alone.

Sometimes, the Footprints in the Sand are all types & forms of earthly angels that God sends to do His work.  Thankfully, I’ve been blessed to have been carried throughout most of this journey.

If you want to hear an inspirational song, click on this link:

Footprints in the Sand, a video by Leona Lewis.

Second Chemo

Had the chemo, & got my Neulasta shot yesterday.   I’ve got a headache that just won’t quit, though, but, so far, the major pain hasn’t started.  Matt, God love him, reminded me that it was the day after the shot that the major pain started.  Yippee.  Not.

But, I’m taking my nurse’s advice, which seems to be working so far (knock on wood).  I’m taking Claritin allergy medicine.  I forgot why it’s supposed to work, but it’s supposed to channel the excess white blood cells.  Where they’re headed, I’m not sure, but I’m just glad that they’re not hanging around my lower back – yet.  If I can get them to go somewhere productive & not painful, I’m a happy camper.

And speaking of pain – I’m so mad I could eat babies!  Dr. Seisholtz is a good man, but, boy, did he irritate me!  He said that “most patients don’t react to Neulasta the way that you do”.  Um, excuse me?  Gee, I’m sorry that my body goes into agonizing pain when I get that shot.  Plus, I DO read other blogs & many women report the same thing.  It KILLS them!  I have a lot more to say about that (as you all know I do), but not tonight. 

OK, just one thing.  I think that oncologists should have to take that shot.  Then maybe they’d have an idea of what some people go through.  It’s just that some doctors have all the sympathy of an apex predator with a toothache.  Just saying.


On the bright side, though, Neulasta is a weapon in the doctor's arsenal that they didn't have before.  Thanks to its super powers, white blood cell counts are raised, which counteract the many ill effects of chemo.  Before Neulasta, cancer patients were subject to every infection that they came into contact with.  So, even though I absolutely hate it, I'm very grateful that it exists.  One day soon, though, I plan to bite it back!

Short update.

I had chemo today.  Even though I was happy to get back to it, it also means Neulasta tomorrow.  The doctor said that not every one responds to Neulasta the same way; that it doesn't bother everyone the way it does me.  

Well, that just sucks because it KILLS me!!!

Of course, I’m thinking I’m just the world’s biggest whack job.  Which, sadly, may be very true.

Anyway, I came home & slept all afternoon, got up & nibbled a little, took some medicine, & now I’m going back to sleep.  I know, what a GLAMOROUS life I lead!!

Will write more when I’m conscious.   

Beading for Chemo

I saw this on the Cancer website.  A woman wore 16 beaded bracelets on her right arm.  After each chemo session, she moved one of the bracelets to her left arm, symbolizing one less round to go.  Since I have beads, I decided to make my own set, & have begun the process tonight.  Hopefully, on Tuesday, I'll get to move two, since I didn't move one from the first round.  I'm saying hopefully since they may want to start over - ugh.  We'll see.


However, this reminded me of my good friend, Deb Orzel, & her generous gift at the hospital.  She went out & bought a huge bouquet of mylar balloons (since some folks are allergic to latex).  Additionally, her little Jessica wanted me to have a teddy bar:

TOO CUTE!  And, Jessica, I still sleep with her.  Her name is Baby Jessica.

When it was time to go home, I realized that bringing all those balloons with me was going to take some doing.  We have what one could term a sport type car.  Matt couldn't figure out where to put them, without getting us in trouble with the police.  And that's when it hit me - give them to the residences of the floor.

After getting the OK from the nurses, I took my big ol' bouquet & went from room to room.  I spoke to people who were so happy to have something to brighten their rooms.  I spoke to a man who grudgingly LET me leave one in his room if it would make me happy.  Room after room, I spoke to other patients.  A man, noticing what I was doing, came up to me & asked if I'd give some to his dad's roommate who hadn't had a visitor since he'd been in.  Another scared young woman was all alone in PA.  I sat & held her hand & listened to her story.  I gave her my information so she can get in touch with me.  Another woman had just had a mastectomy & had a bunch of questions.  When I was out of balloons, I felt as if the air had been let out of my soul.  I wanted to stay & visit with all those people forever.  And you know, after I get better, I think that may be something I do.  Just go around & visit with folks.

ANYWAY, what started this little nostalgic trip down memory lane was that that experience gave me yet another idea.  I'm going to make a few extra bracelets to have on hand at chemo.  There have been women I've seen show up to chemo alone & leave alone.  I want to have a bracelet to give to them, just because.  Maybe that one little thing that cost me little but time will make a difference in her day.  Or, maybe she'll think I'm crazy.  You never know.  But you know what?  I'm getting off this computer right now & starting on my collection of sparkly beaded stretch bracelets.  Wish me luck!

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly & the Funny

I’m still working on putting links up.  I told the ladies at the Look Good Feel ‘Better seminar that I found some low priced pashmina scarves.  I’ve also found mastectomy bras & prostheses cheap.  I’m working my butt off to get the link list up.  I’m double checking one or two of the people before I add them.  So, please bear with me here!

However, I promised that I’m dragging your butt along the way, & that you’re going to see the good, the bad, the ugly & the funny as it happens to me.  So, here’s the first slideshow of me sporting two scarves (tied differently), & one of my wigs, the short straight one.  And, even though I never planned to show me without anything on my head, I figured that wasn’t fair.  If you’re going through this with me, then I’m bearing it all.  I’ve added to the slideshow, & will try to keep it updated.  But, here’s what I’ve got so far!

Surgery in a Snowstorm

As I told you in the last post, surgery had to be done on Wednesday (Feb. 10th), as Dr. Morrissey was going to Canada for vacation the next day.  If my wound wasn’t closed, I couldn’t get chemo, & that’s extremely important right now.  I need to get back into that regimen, no matter how much I hate Neulasta!

The snow started Tuesday night, & we sat watching it with more than a little trepidation.  However, it was very light, & it seemed harmless enough.  The next morning, however, the world had turned into a winter wonderland.  The busy street we live on had been plowed, but it was still a strip of blinding white.  A big ol’ deserted strip of neon white that we could have landed a plane on without benefit of lights.  At times, it snowed so hard you could barely see the street at all.  I can’t tell you how much I wanted to stay home & watch it with the kids.

My surgery was scheduled for 3:30 pm, but I was sure that someone would cancel.  At least, I’d HOPED someone would cancel, so that my surgery time would be moved up.  That way, we’d have a shot at driving home before it got dark.

I called the hospital, but to my surprise found that everyone was reporting for surgery at their appointed times.  I was dumbfounded.  We’d tried EVERYTHING to move the date & time.  And I mean everything – including asking if Dr. Quiros (hi, Dr. Quiros & Charity!) would do it for me.  Sadly, surgeons don’t like to close other surgeons’ patients unless they absolutely have to.  I could have made an argument for “absolutely had to”, but, I decided to suck it up.

So, at 11:00 am, Matt declared that it was time to drive up.  He figured he’d rather be sitting in the hospital, safe & sound, waiting for surgery than waiting until closer to the appointed time, thus allowing for further snow build up, & possibly ending with the two of us in a ditch.  I couldn’t fault him for that, but, still, I wanted to buy as much time at home as humanly possible.

I was getting my things together, when the kids & Matt began adding “layers” to me.  They said things like, “Mom, you have to stay warm”.  By the time they had me stuffed, wrapped, & bundled, I felt like Ralphie’s little brother, Randy, complete with arms sticking straight out at my sides.  But, if we ended up in a ditch, I would be warm for the rest of the winter.  Hibernation would be a breeze.

We decided to take Aubrie’s jeep, because it has 4 wheel drive.  Bonus for me, it was easier to get into than my little car.  I don’t think any amount of stuffing me into “Zippy Car” would have worked; short of using a sausage extruder. 

I’m really glad we took the jeep, though, for more reasons than ease of entry.  We passed people on hills, because they couldn’t get enough traction.  Normally, we would have stopped to help, but Matt had one thing on his mind – get me to surgery.

The crazy thing is, we made it to the hospital in one hour.  This is particularly amazing when you take into account that it takes us between 40 – 45 minutes on a good day!  However, I didn’t get taken to surgery until 4:45 – a full hour past time.  I guess a lot of people had serious surgery that needed to be done.  Of course, not as important as MINE & how dare they intrude on my surgery time!  Ok, I didn’t really think that - for very long.

Surgery went as well as could be expected.  Dr. Morrissey had a hard time closing me up, though, as the infection had done some damage to my skin.  He told me that the incision area wasn’t pretty, which I found funny.  I mean, really?  It wasn’t pretty to begin with, Doctor!  But, he promises to make it all better & I believe him.  Right now, though, I just want to be pronounced cancer free.  THEN, we’ll discuss boobage.  Major, major boobage.

The staff wanted to keep me overnight for two reasons.  They wanted to be sure that my pain was managed & that I was comfortable.  Translation – they could give me shots through my IV of some pretty excellent medications.  The secondary reason was due to the snow.

I, however, preferred going home.  And, since Matt was up for it, I was ready to go.  Apparently, every bed in the hospital was taken, so the fact that they made room for me was very sweet.  Unfortunately, I’d had my fill of hospitals for a while.  I didn’t care if I would have received better pain management there – I wanted to be home with my kid types.  Pain will pass; hopefully soon, though.  I’m still having pain, but it’s getting better. 

It was a pain in the butt – big time – to interrupt chemo & have yet another surgery.  But I met some wonderful people.  Besides, like I always tell the kids, everything happens for a reason.  It may be an annoying reason, but still . . . . 

On the bright side, at least I didn’t shoot my eye out.